Not Fair!

I originally intended on placing this on my Conservative Cake and Liberal Icing personal blog, but in the end decided to post it here to get more views, opinion and thoughts on the issue.

Marisa and I discuss frequently what one would have to do to fulfill their role of mother or father, husband or wife one-hundred percent in modern-day LDS life. As I was pondering some of the aspects of that perfect LDS mother/wife role, I realized that this path truly is not fair for women (Edit: in the short term)! Hear me out. I'm not saying that we [when I say we, I mean more specifically Marisa] should not have tried to do what we have. Nevertheless, when Marisa committed to not putting off a family and dedicating herself to the raising of our children she chose to stagnate or severely limit her:

1. Financial earning ability
2. Potential spousal appeal (relevant if I died or divorced her)
3. Worldly prestige
   
4. Advanced knowledge
5. Sexual appeal (physical changes and challenges of having children)
   
6. Freedom (children)

I on the other hand was able to go on and get my education which increased my value in most the aforementioned categories (1, 2, 3, 4). Category five doesn't hurt a man when he has children and the responsibilities of six are too often left to the woman in situations of separation even if she gets a meager alimony/child support. What a huge difference! That is not fair. When women choose this path they have to have faith enough in their spouse to voluntarily put themselves in this vulnerable position. A truly noble act that deserves more recognition. Even tonight I heard a high dollar loan officer talk about how many prestigious men will divorce their wives in their late 40's and move on with this increased value to get a new wife a few steps higher up the ladder than they could previously when they were first married.

So, what does Marisa get?

• being a single mother for 4 years while we were in dental school. I would leave at 7am, return at 6pm, eat with the family for a short while, and then go off to study until 10 or 11 pm just to get up and leave her all over again (many times this continued through the weekends)
  
• most of the sacrifices of extended schooling without the diploma
• the demeaning view of others by being seen as a trophy wife that probably married me after I finished my education
  
• being looked down upon by working women who see SAHM's as weak and less intelligent because they can't hack the real world and therefore stay at home (don't get me started on this pet peeve)
  
• letting me, the intellectually inferior half of our companionship (she received 1 of the only 24 top scholarships available to the 6000+ of each freshman class at BYU) go on and get the education for our family
• complete financial dependency upon me
• lack of significant amounts of adult interaction
• the joy of knowing that she was able to be a full-time mother and not miss the opportunity to raise her children
  

As you can probably tell, the motivation for this post came from things that have happened to me over the past couple of years. I don't like seeing someone who has sacrificed so much for me not get her due respect. So, the point is to tell your wives how much you love them and how grateful you are for the support they have given you.

What to do?

Now that the house is sold, all the decisions made for the new home, done evaluating the business floor plan and potential partnership, no more keeping the house immaculate for people to see it, no need to worry about any last minute touch up or repairs, we don't have more to do than time available. Last night was really weird to have that feeling for the first time in a few weeks. It was kind of like when you get home off your mission and after so long of going 100% you all the sudden have that behind you and are free.

There are so many reasons why we will be glad to move into the new home, but Marisa will be sad to leave her Dutch bulbs behind. We won't have any this year because we will have missed the planting time when we move. Spring comes very early in the PNW. This is a picture Risa took yesterday for her photo project she is doing with some friends. She is joining late so she has to play catchup and take a lot of pix.


The boys had this week off of school for mid-winter break. They went to the science center yesterday where Trey had some butterflies land on him. Beckham was very scared of the butterflies for some reason, you know...those dangerous butterflies!
Caeden played his first game of back yard soccer now that he can walk and it is getting warmer out side.

On a side note: Marisa mentioned that I should update all the names on the sidebar. Although I think the risk is less than going to the park, I understand the fear. So the change has been made. :)

Hard Times

In preparing for a scout camp this week I have been looking up stories from the Willie and Martin handcart companies. It is very humbling. If you ever feel like you have it bad, check out this website that has a few short stories about how the pioneers had it. Having children of my own makes some of the stories that much more heart wrenching. Suddenly, life doesn't seem so bad.

We have had some weak posts the past couple of months so I'll try to make up for that here. Quick update: our home is officially under contract. The new home is still on schedule if not ahead a little and we will be closing March 26th and moving the next day.

You know you are a Calderwood boy when you have both blood and a smile on your face...

or you have ice cream all over you face because you can climb to the top shelf in the freezer before being able to walk straight for more than four steps without wobbling like a drunk.

Bex had his third birthday and is so happy. Ever since last July when Trey had his, Bex was old enough to understand what was going on and I seriously think he has said/asked "My birthday today" every day since last July 18th. We were finally able to say yes to his question/statement on Feb 8 and he is finally now satisfied. This pic below is his octopus that he made with Aunt "Hidaree."
For his birthday he got a present from his girl friend. We had to pull them apart last Saturday multiple times for kissing too much on the face and laying down horizontally while kissing and hugging on top of each other. I feel bad that he is corrupting an angel like Madison.

Here he is getting a present from one of his two best friends.


Here is my updated song list for those few of you who keep track. We need to get more of you out there to post your new songs lists so I can diversify a little more.

Name	Artist
100 Stories	Andrea Burns
Girlfriend	Avril Lavigne - don't mock my Avril
Angelic Voices	B-Tribe
The Great Salt Lake	Band Of Horses - thanks Cody
Feel Alive	Benassi Brothers
What Hurts The Most	Cascada
Anthem	Filo & Perry Ft. Eric Lumiere - two cool songs mixed into one
Dust In The Wind	Gabriel & Dresden
I Don't Wanna Be In Love	Good Charlotte
Say Say Say	Hi Tack
Stranger	Hilary Duff - Don't mock my Duff either
Dream On	Kelly Sweet
Burn For You	Kreo - good memories of DDR 2 here
Speakerphone	Kylie Minogue
Wherever You Are	Laava
Jimmy	M.I.A. - crazy Japanese thrown in here for Chris and Nancy
Relax, Take It Easy	Mika
Misery Business	Paramore - this song makes me think it could have been written by our friend Collette Mitchell (tough, cool, independent)
Never	Roc Project Ft. Tina Arena
Today The Suns On Us	Sophie Ellis Bextor
Clear Day	Ulrich Schnauss
Tough Enough	Vanilla Ninja

Finally, a couple people have commented or posted on how they used that program I recommended a while ago to keep track of all their blogs. I actually started using another one after seeing our friend Jodee say that she uses it. It is Google Reader and it is way better than the other. Don't worry, you don't have to re-add all your blogs again. Most programs (including the one I used to use and posted about) have an option to export your list of blogs or RSS feeds. Just export them, then import them into Google Reader. Try it and I promise you'll switch.

Offer on the House!

We got some bad news a little over a week ago that we wouldn't be able to get our loan unless we sold our house. That really put the pressure on us and needless to say with all the other decisions we are making right now we felt like we were in a vice being cranked down to the extreme. With this offer the pressure is off immensely! Maybe now we can get back to being more normal people, friends and family members.